I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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