Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
