can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
