well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize