Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
