If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
