How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
