i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
