Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize