he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
wanna go halves on a baby?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
