There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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