just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
