Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize