dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
