you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
