between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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