Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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