my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
