when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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