When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
