So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
