Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
you made out with another girl for some wings
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
