one two three fourrrrnication!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
