i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
