Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
