That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
