you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I want to be your penis for a week.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
