Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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