Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
