everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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