did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
