Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
