Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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