your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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