I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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