So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
