apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
