You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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