The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
