I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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