we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
