Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
