dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
