We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
