1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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