on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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