There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
