Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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