There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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