it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
