i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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