Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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