Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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