I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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