Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is it because I queefed?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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