yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
