wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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