From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
