Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
