I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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